I’m going to state the obvious. In general, people who do drugs are crazy. I don’t think most people start out this way. But sooner or later, and often sooner, drugs take people down a loopy acid washed path of serious CRAZY. Drug addict crazy is seriously the best kind of crazy, because drug addicts really think everything is totally cool and they’ve got their shit HANDLED and if anyone’s got a problem, its probably YOU.
I love crack heads so damn much. No one out there has better style than a crack head, and most crack heads have such a beautiful gift for a putting an outfit together with such an eye for detail. Meth on the other hand is just not a good look; mullets and missing teeth was so five years ago. Mostly, however, my problem with meth heads is I just underestimate them.
Case in point, the urban meth lab that popped up in the back courtyard of one of my boyfriend’s apartment buildings several months ago. And what on earth is a meth lab doing in an urban apartment complex? No, Dwell Magazine wasn’t exploring alternative materials and maximizing small spaces for a photo shoot. According to the owner of the meth lab, the urban meth lab is not really an ACTUAL meth lab, but instead it is a fake meth lab that he built (all by himself with NO help!) and it is available for movie sets, game shows, and to anyone else in the market for a fake meth lab.
Since the upstairs tenant moved out at the beginning of the week and the view below is pure and unobstructed meth lab from not two, But FOUR windows, we decided to notify the police this morning that there appeared to either be a meth lab in the backyard or the Unibomber’s mountain hideaway, and either way could they please come and take a look. It turned out the LAPD did want to take a look to determine whether it was an authentic meth lab or merely just another fake meth lab masquerading as the real thing in TV shows everywhere. After a full hour of undercover agents and detectives exploring the meth lab, it was determined that the meth lab was in fact just a FAKE METH LAB that it’s owner had decided to lovingly build in the public back courtyard of an apartment building in Studio City. I wish I had photographs of the inside, because the attention to detail was stunning – real porn, fake vicoden, real hobo plastic, fake powders – in short, a masterpiece of meth lab fakery and simply one of the most amazing feats of the potential each of us humans carries deep inside ourselves. Drug addict are truly the most special of god’s special children and apparently there is a huge and untapped market for fake meth labs. So, do yourself a favor if you’re bored and have a drug problem, visit your favorite scrap yard and trash heap, and embark on your newest hobby: fake authentic meth lab construction. Because assembling a fake meth lab that looks like the real deal is actually very challenging and a lot harder than it sounds.